For the Girls

Have you told the women in your life that you’re proud of them yet? This week: Hina Dolls, the Barbie movie, and a good cry (the happy kind).

Happy belated International Women's Day! If your social media and internet presence is anything like mine, you may see a lot of content about what this all means and why it matters. I love this time of year. March arrives with power, strength, and the voices of women singing praises worldwide. In the UK, Mother's Day was just celebrated. The same holiday is around the corner in America too (this is your first reminder not to forget your mother or mother figure…). March is also Women’s History Month! No matter who we are, we all have a lot to celebrate. So today's newsletter is for the girlies, though readers of all genders are welcome. 

It’s worth noting that early Spring is also awards season in Hollywood. I was not surprised to see Oppenheimer sweep up at the Oscars – Cillian Murphy is an amazing actor. The movie left me speechless last summer when I saw it with my parents only a week before moving to Japan (timing, huh?). Poor Things receive awards at the Oscars as well. Admittedly, I have not been able to see it here in Japan yet, but I know that when I do, it will give me much to think about. Plus, Emma Stone is fantastic. I genuinely look forward to watcing it soon. On Greta Gerwig’s Barbie, I do have some thoughts. Let me be clear, I love this movie. I am sure there is plenty of criticism for it, and there must be reasons why it didn’t get many wins at the awards shows. But this is my newsletter, and I don't want to focus on the criticisms, so I won’t. I love a good cry, and I have one every time I watch Barbie. It gives me that bittersweet feeling I can't shake off right away. It makes me feel sad and proud and lucky. Well done to singer Billie Eilish on her original song for the movie. She has now won a Grammy and an Oscar for it. Both, I think, are well deserved. "What was I made for?" she asks. And, man, what a question. We start out as young girls and are molded by our families, friends, schools, and society into the women we become. But what does that mean? What does society want of me? What do I want of myself? Do those two ideas match? What am I good for as a woman?

What was I made for? I hear pride and frustration embedded in this question. As much celebration as there is in March, there is discord too. Women are proving their power and lifting each other up, but their voices also cry for more equality, opportunity, equity, empathy, autonomy…the list goes on. But frustration and joy can co-exist in our hearts. We can be thankful for who we are and what we have while also desiring more. Of everything we are celebrating this month, I think maybe the pwer of this duality is the most important.

Of course, I am experiencing it all a bit second-hand. It is strange to watch America fight, protest, celebrate, fall down, and get back up every day from across an ocean. It’s as if I am standing outside of my house, looking in at my family living their lives through a window. Though I am right there with them, the glass that separates us is clear, cold, and very solid. It is both freeing and isolating. So I am missing Women’s History Month a bit. I guess I have to find my own ways to celebrate.

While the West is cheering on its female mothers and leaders this month, Japan is celebrating its daughters. On the first weekend of March, I made my way through wind and snow to Kashiwabara, a small town at the base of Mt. Ibuki, to celebrate Hinamatsuri (often translated to Doll’s Day or Girl's Day) with my Japanese co-teacher, Arisa, and her mother. The holiday has been celebrated here for centuries as a way to pray for the good health and fortune of young girls. Beautiful Hina dolls in red silk dresses are set out on stands in the home. It is believed that illness or bad fortune can be transferred to the dolls, keeping the girls healthy and safe. The dolls may also be placed in boats and sent down rivers or across streams to carry away any negative energy that could affect the girls. Nowadays, the holiday is not just a chance to ward off bad energy. As my co-teacher explained, it is a day for families to recognize the importance of their daughters and the women who raise them. 

Sumi family Hina Dolls on display for Hinamatsuri

Despite the cold, we three women had a wonderful time celebrating. We ate a lovely Japanese lunch, drank coffee, treated ourselves to extra sweets, took a chilly tour of the town, and visited a small museum. For afternoon tea, we each made a bowl of hot matcha. Arisa and I carefully followed her mother's instructions when pouring the water and whisking the tea before we practiced our bows and serving for a Japanese tea ceremony. We looked at the beautiful dolls arranged on their stands (a gift to the family when Arisa was born). Arisa`s mother tried to scare me by turning their heads when I wasn't looking as if they were haunted, but I caught on quick. We laughed through conversation made up of that wonderfully scrambled kind of speech only achieved when mashing two cultures together: equal parts English and foreign language and gestures. We understood each other. 

Though the matcha was delicious, my favorite part of the day was watching the pair of them, mother and daughter, interact. People are different at home. Arisa, normally a hard-working professional teacher, was more relaxed without the stress of school. She stood around the kitchen in jeans and a sweatshirt, chatted with her mom, and carried dishes to the table the same way I would with my mom. They teased and encouraged each other. They shared stories and interrupted and laughed. Arisa`s mom is a solo traveler. She goes all over the world, climbing literal mountains (Kilimanjaro among them) and exploring on her own. When she told me this, Arisa piped up “Me too!” Only a couple of months ago, she was off on her own solo trip to the Netherlands for Christmas just because she wanted to see it. Like mother, like daughter. I thought of my own mom, and my mom`s mom, and her mom, and hers. Arisa has bits of her ancestry in her, and I have bits of mine in me.

Four generations. Baby Laura was well-supported.

Watching Arisa and her mother celebrate together helped me understand the importance of Hinamatsuri. Japan, like America, is a patriarchal society. Here, tradition is important, and change can be slow. Honoring daughters and hoping for their good health and fortune is essential though. The health of our daughters will be the health of our world. After all, they are tomorrow`s mothers and teachers and artists and rocket scientists and friends and writers and lawyers and presidents. They can be anything, and each generation has more opportunities than the last. In Little Women, Louisa May Alcott writes “Women, they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they’ve got ambition, and they’ve got talent, as well as just beauty. I’m so sick of people saying that love is all a woman is fit for.” As adults, we know that women are so complex and powerful, but our girls might not. Our girls need to know that they are important and that they will lead the world someday. They need to know that they are more than their beauty. They need to know that their experiences, ideas, and voices matter. And as strong as mothers are and as far as they push society forward for us, we must hope that daughters are stronger and that they push further. To quote Barbie, “We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they’ve come.” Now, I don’t have a daughter, but I have many young students with very big dreams. I know they will go further than me, and I am grateful for it. 

We should be celebrating our girls. We should be celebrating our women.

There is a lot of female pride in my heart right now, but that hasn’t always been the case, and I suspect I am not alone in that. It was hard for me to create lasting female friendships when I was younger, and I often don’t feel totally comfortable in female spaces even now. I can list a variety of reasons: internalized misogyny, my own complex relationship with gender performance, social anxiety, and of course the quiet though ever-present competition that our society encourages between females — so yeah, it’s tough. As an adult, I am learning to value my femininity in whatever way it presents. I am learning to trust my female friends when they say I belong (San Antonio girly pops, you know who you are, and thank you). I am learning to value the women around me more and to cheer them on through their unique experiences of womanhood.

I heard in a video recently that "at the end of the day, it's the person you saw Barbie with in July of 2023," and I really think it's true. I saw Barbie here in Japan with another ALT who I was just getting to know. I wore a pink vest my grandmother made, and my new friend and I bonded over the slight discomfort of watching a movie in a Japanese theater where the audience never laughs or reacts. At the end of the movie, I had tears all over my face and had found the beginnings of a strong friendship. Now, I watch this friend getting ready to change her life and chase new dreams when she leaves Japan this summer, and I cheer for her. If I had seen Barbie back home, I might have gone with one of my teacher friends. One of them is starting a new social media project exploring her passion for food, style, art, and supporting small businesses (if you’re in the San Antonio area, I recommend checking it out here). The voice she shares with the world is so vibrant and important. I cheer for her, too. Maybe I would have gone to Barbie with my sister-in-law. She is one of the most inspiring women I know. She is brilliant by nature but also works incredibly hard. She loves fiercely and takes nothing for granted. She is about to become a first-time mother. I cheer for her and for my niece or nephew who will be so lucky to call her mom. I am thankful to have so many women to see Barbie with. They each inspire me and bring me love and strength. I want to do the same for them. To answer Billie Eilish’s question, maybe this is what I was made for.

So, it’s March. We should be celebrating the women in our lives. We should be celebrating the girls in our lives. We should be celebrating ourselves. We should be thanking our mothers’ mothers for the work they did. We should be ready to stand still when it’s time to allow future women to step up, step further, and see where they go. We should be grateful for where we are but still hungry for more. And we should trust that it will come. As Barbie knows, we can do anything. And we will do it together. 

As always, thanks for your company. Until next time, cheers!

Ending Notes

Listening To: True to the theme of the day, I have been listening to a lot of female artists of late. I found a new album that I want to share with you, but I think I’ll save it for another day when I have fully processed what to say. In the meantime, I can for sure tell you that boygenius has been on heavy rotation lately. After winning their recent Grammy while also publicly breaking up the band, boygenius has received a lot of press. Of course, I am heartbroken, but each of the artists has a strong solo career to develop. I have no doubt that more amazing music will be coming from all three of them, and I will keep my fingers crossed for a reunion. If you need a link to their album, it can be found here. Enjoy!

Recent Eats: Sakura season is beginning, and Japan is slowly turning pink! I spy more blooms each day, though the weather hasn’t decided to catch up for good. A spring specialty here is sakura mochi, or wagashi. Back in the states, the only mochi I ate was the ice cream mochi from Whole Foods (passion fruit flavor is best), so I was happy to give the real deal a try here in Japan. the little cakes are made of rice flower, so they are soft like pillows. They are filled with red bean and have a cherry blossom pink color. Each bite melts in your mouth and offers the perfect balance of sweet and umami flavors. The best part though, is the pickled sakura leaf that is wrapped around the cake. It adds a salty-sour tang to the sweet mochi. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. I hope there are more in my future very soon.